Why the idea of "growing up" is nonsense

From the Vagabondish blog:

I read BNT’s recent post The Hardest Part Of A Journey Is Coming Home by Brendan Moran and found myself quietly, emphatically nodding along. Especially to bits like this:

Maybe I’m naive, but I was hoping for a “eureka!” moment on the trip where all of the sudden my life would make sense. I would find my calling and hopefully some peace.

Maybe I’d be on a boat somewhere watching the sunrise, or laying in a hut listening to frogs chirp outside: something cinematic.

While nothing quite like that ever happened, after a year away, I think I’ve become a different person. I’m more sure of what I want and less angry. I take better care of myself and I feel more in control.

… and this:

While we were gone I tried to stay unplugged and happily ignorant about pop culture and other non-weighty matters, and now that I’m back, I realize I should have done that a long time ago.

My interest level for “shallow things that do not matter” remains below zero.

Then, right at the end, Brendan pulled the rug out from under me:

The hardest part about travel isn’t coming back, it’s staying back. Sure, we can always take smaller trips that last a few days or weeks, but I can’t shake the idea of another long odyssey.

Responsibility keeps wanting to get in the way. Bills, a wife, and no money are waking me from my dream of riding a motorcycle across Asia.

I just don’t want to grow up yet.

Huh? The phrase “grow up” has always made my teeth itch.

What exactly does it mean? What’s the predefined, socially accepted, neatly-wrapped-up-in-a-cardboard-sandwich-box definition? Is it having a mortgage? A BMW? 2.3 kids? The perfect dog and a white picket fence? Sitting behind a desk for forty years in a perfectly starched, collared shirt and tie to feed your 401K in the hopes that maybe - just maybe - you’ll have enough saved to travel the world when you’re 65?

My girlfriend, her family, and more of my friends than I care to count seem to think “growing up” and “being responsible” are somehow synonymous. And it seems they’re not alone as Brendan’s wife would agree:

I just don’t want to grow up yet. A point of view lost on my wife who wants a family, a house, and no motorcycles. One can still dream, right?

To what and whom are we ultimately responsible? My only responsibility is to ensure that I and - to the extent that I have any influence - my family and friends are happy and healthy. Nothing more.

If one is happy with the aforementioned “grown-up” or “responsible” life with a BMW and a desk job, so be it. But if my personal happiness is found in a vague ’round the world itinerary and a one-way ticket to [fill-in-the-blank]-istan, what right does anyone else have deeming me irresponsible?

Aside from my parents, I haven’t told anyone of my RTW travel plans. But I know enough of my coworkers, extended family and girlfriend’s family to foresee the inevitable eye-rolling and know that their responses will be a collective mix of disbelief and tsk-tsk “You’re throwing everything away” condemnation.

The disbelief will of course only last until the moment they’re waving goodbye to me from a terminal at Logan Airport.

The condemnation on the other hand runs much deeper. And it all circles back to their limited ideal of what “growing up” is and the notion that it’s somehow irresponsible to step outside “the norm” to find happiness. I can’t see how anyone can be so narrow-minded as to think that there is some singular, objective goal of happiness towards which everyone must strive.

Why can’t they just accept another person’s choices, however different from their own those choices may be? Why must people be so judgmental of others?

I’ll never live vicariously through my own dreams or attempt to live up to someone else’s ideal of happiness. I, for one, reject the notion of “growing up” and I’m forever hanging up that phrase on the hat rack of hollow, meaningless lexicon.

As for responsibility, what could be more responsible than casting aside every thing and every place you’ve ever known for the opportunity to travel the world and see and do more than you ever dreamed possible - all in the pursuit of happiness? At the end of the day, that’s the only responsibility we have to ourselves and our families.

Well that's that then.

So after sitting my Politics exam on Saturday afternoon I now have completed all my assessments for my Bachelor of Arts. That is ... if I pass everything. It's bizarre but my last exam was by far and away the worst exam I have ever sat, and it is only a bloody first year paper. I studied what I thought would be enough but for one of the three sections I had no question offered that I had prepared an answer for. This kind of unsettled me a bit for the rest of the exam but I am hoping I did enough to pass, I only need a C- in this paper anyway and I went into the exam needing only 13 marks out of the 50 on offer in order to pass. Well I guess it will be a couple of weeks until the results are released and then I will know for sure.

I celebrated my last exam by going over to a friends place for a few drinks. I managed to drink a considerable quantity of his very expensive whisky which I think left him quite unimpressed but then you don't finish the last exam of your degree every day do you? No real highlights from the evening I just had a good time except for Team New Zealand losing to Alinghi in the first race of the America's Cup final. Hopefully we will equalise tonight.

So now I have two weeks of full time work to look forward to until I get to fly away to England, the weather has been pretty rotten so I am most probably going to get a damn good soaking in the next couple of days.... I just hope I don't catch anything before I go away.

Anyway, I'm just marking time now... it seems so close but still far away if that makes any sense...probably not. Come on July 11th, I can't hardly wait.

Two hours to go....

Only two more hours in my undergraduate career! I had my Anthropology exam today and I think it went OK. Lots and lots of people left the exam room early and I left about 20 minutes before time. I hope I did enough to get a decent mark. It's kind of hard to tell seeing as how the lecturer hasn't handed back our last assignment. So that leaves me with only one more exam, International Relations, to do on Saturday afternoon and if I pass everything then I will graduate with a Bachelor of Arts in History and Anthropology! Nice one!

On another exciting note, I passed my Class 2 practical assessment yesterday so now I am legally allowed to drive trucks weighing less than 18 tonne upon Her Majesty's New Zealand Roads. The instructor/assessor said that I was very safe but I was a bit untidy in my gear changing, I guess that is because of having only two lessons before being assessed. I think I will definitely need more than two lessons when it comes time to do my Class 4...Three more months from now and I can start learning to drive Class 4 trucks. Of course that would be contingent upon me getting the job in the UK. Actually I will probably do my Class 4 anyway even if I don't get the job but perhaps not try to do so quickly.

Alright so I'm off for a bit of a kip... these exams can be tiring things.... no need to panic study for the last one.... maybe open a book or two on Saturday morning.....

Big ups to the Commish

Well I have to give out a "bloody well done old chap" to the British High Commission in Wellington for handling the renewing of my Brit passport in record time. I wasn't expecting too much and having heard of the huge delays that some US citizens were having getting passports I assumed that my new passport may not even make it to me by the time I left for England next months. Instead, barely 2 weeks after I sent off the application my brand spanking new passport arrived, complete with new biometric thingy-ma-bobs to prove that I'm not a terrorist.

3 days until my next exam - I really should start studying for this one as it may be tricky. Also I received a mark for my last third year history paper and I'm thinking that I will get a B+ as a final grade which is acceptable. 8 days until exams are all over and about 25 until I fly away!! Can't wait.

One down - two to go.

Had my first exam yesterday, now only 2 left until I graduate. It was a History exam but only for a poxy first year paper so I probably didn't study enough. In fact I know I didn't only relaly started that morning but I lucked out on the questions that I got, almost exactly what I studied for. I only had to write two essay in two hours, my first essay was;

"The humanising of war! You might as well talk of the humanising of hell!" (Sir John Fisher, The Hague, 1899). Do you agree that the attempts to restrain and limit wars and warfare have failed in the period 1815 - today? Explain your answer, citing evidence from at least THREE different periods of conflict and/or conflict resolution. No problems with that one - wrote about 6-7 pages and some of it may even have been relevant. Next question;

The Second World War is the world's only example of truly 'total war'. Do you agree? Discuss, reffering to at least TWO other twentieth-century conflicts aside from the Second World War.
Again not too hard - I tlaked about WWI, WWII and the War on Terror.

I only needed 8 marks from the 50 on offer in the exam to pass so I am hoping that I did ok.

Next exam is next Tuesday and is a third year Anthropology paper on Contemporary Oceania, might need ot do a little bit more study for this one.

On a side note - I bought some travel trousers today - chino(ish) style and quite comfy. And my payment has been received for my flights and my tickets are being generated. Exciting stuff!!

On the road to being on the road.

Today I passed the theory test for the Class 2 Heavy Vehicle Licence. Yay for me I got 100%! It took a two day course in order to complete all the unit standards that I need and learn what I needed for the test.

Now I have my first practical truck lessons booked for next week, Wednesday and Thursday which is very exciting and a little bit scary! I'm well on the way now! It's definitely been a most successful and joyous week... now all I need to do is pass all my exams.

Interview!!!

So I heard on Monday night just past that Dragoman want me to come over for an interview! Excellent. I have been frantically trying to arrange travel to the UK (in what is high season) and work out when Dragoman can see me. It is looking like I will fly over around 12 July and have my interview around 17 July. Then, if they like me I will go straight on to the two week interview that will finally determine whether I will get the job. So joy! Joy! Joy! Just waiting to hear back to confirm my interview time as the lady dealing with it is ill and then I will confirm my flight. Magic. Hard to concentrate on my final exams with this going on!