Sorted! Now the countdown begins....

Well it's a bloody relief that I have finished all the major stuff that I needed to do before I go away. This week I have passed my Class 4 (read bigging #%$&ing truck) licence and my Class 6 (read super-cool motorcycle) full licence and now am all set. Just over a week to go now until I fly away and I only have minor stuff to do now.

I guess the next biggest dilemma to face is what to take with me. I know what should be taken when you go travelling. If someone comes to see me and says "I'm going to India what should I take with me?" I can read off verbatim a complete and minimalist packing list that would make the most ardent 'travel-lighter' proud. "Don't take more than two shirts" i'll say. "You can buy extra clothes everywhere you know" i'd quip. So why is it then, that when I am preparing for my own trip I have absolutely no ability to stick to my own advice.

I seem to have a wonderful ability to come up with thousands of exceptions for the journey that I will be embarking on that rationalise taking extra stuff.."Well i'm working in the U.K. for 3 months before I begin the main part of my travels so I need these 12 extra pairs of trousers".. or something like that. I did do a test pack the other day and was quite suprised at how little stuff I do have so I suppose it's not as bad as I thought.

So i know have one last week in order to say goodbye to various friends and family and try to think of all things that i have forgotten to do ... I'm sure all these things will come ot be in a blinding flash as soon as I step onto the plane. I'm starting to get excited now.... this week is going to fly by.....

Perhaps I should point out...

...that I have been successful in achieving my dream job as an overland truck driver. I go back to the U.K. in October to start with my three month training. I'm not really sure the purpose of this blog yet... I have created a travel blog on a couple of otehr sites to record my travels and adventures and i'm not totally sure how this one fits in. The previous update is a cut and paste of the opening post on those blogs. Perhaps I will keep this one going as a more personal blog as well as a back-up of my other blogs. Whether or not I can be bothered updating more than one blog will be seen.

I have a heap of things to do now... travel doctor tommorrow to talk about vaccinations and I also start the theory component of my advanced motorcycle course.... my diary is very full I just hope I can get it all organised before I go.

I guess I will see....

At Home Contemplating

It seems almost unreal to me, sitting in my bedroom in Auckland, that in about a month I will be flying to the U.K. to begin my training to become an overland tour leader, a job I have dreamt about having since 2001. I know I am incredibly lucky that I have been able to pursue this dream of mine, in fact as it draws closer I get a feeling that something MUST go wrong to stop it all from happening so smoothly and easily. Although I can’t wait for the next month to pass as quickly as possible, I am sure that as the date of my departure draws closer that time will accelerate and Monday 1 October will be upon me before I know it. This time at home, however, does give me an excellent opportunity to say farewell to friends and family who I won’t be seeing for at least 18 months or so. So the most important thing that I have to do before I return is to complete my Class 4 truck licence, a task which I am somewhat nervous about. I have only had my Class 2 licence for 3 months and have basically no experience in driving trucks so I am a bit worried that I may find it hard to transition to the larger Class 4 vehicle. It doesn’t help that I can only start my truck lessons on 19 September and I hope to fly out on 1 October… if anything goes wrong I may be forced to reschedule my flight which will be a complete pain in the backside. I have then almost 3 weeks to occupy before I can start on the truck lessons, the only thing else I have planned is to have five fillings which unfortunately the dentist has told me that I must have - what fun. I suppose that I should put in more planning for what I will need to do before I leave as I am sure there are a million things that I haven’t even thought about that I will need to organise, avoid, pay for, sell or inject myself with before I fly away. Anyway this has been a rather disjointed opening post, probably suits my mood quite well and I’m not actually doing too much of great interest at the moment. I’m sure that when I start my training then some interesting posts may eventuate. Heres hoping.

Back in Blighty...

Well I have been a real lazy bastard by not updating for a while. I have been in the UK for about 4 weeks now. The most exciting news is that Drgaoman have offered me a job and I hope to begin my 3 months training in Suffolk around the start of October.

I had a fantastic time during my two weeks in Debenham, I seemed to fit in with the people at Drago straight away. My two week assessment also took me to two festivals to help market the company, WOMAD and Lovebox which were both fun and interesting.

I can hardly wait now to return to start. The only slight problem is in sorting out a UK bank account, apparently my HSBC account of 5 years ago was closed as a bad debt and I may have difficulties opening another even though I have paid off the debt straight away. Hopefully I can get this sorted out before I leave but the British banking system is so antiquated and crap that I highly doubt it.

I am staying with an old school friend, Stephen Greenfield in his flat at Kilburn Park, London, just chilling out on the couch after a BBQ last night at another Kiwi's place and a few beers.

It is a beautiful day in London, don't really have too many plans for the last week I am here except for sorting out my bank account.... I need to save my cash as much as possible for my return here in a couple of months. Hopefully I can stayhere for a few days which would be nice.

Not much else to report

Me is Educamated!! (Officially)

Well god damn and whoppee!! Just checked my results of my final exams online and I passed everything so now I will be graduating with A Bachelor of Arts in September!!!

I am so bloody happy! Even the exams that I thought went quite badly I ended up with a decent grade in.

My final marks were:

Anthropology 304: Contemporary Oceania - A-
History 125: War, Peace and Society since 1800 - A-
History 307: Modern Germany since 1848 - B+
Politics 106: International Relations - B+


Happy happy happy! And now I am furiously getting ready to fly out to England in two days! How exciting is everything right now.... I can't hardly wait :)

One more day left at work...

It's been a struggle for the last two weeks... getting up early and going to a job that I really do not want to do. The prime motivation for working the last two weeks wasto have a bit of additional spending money for the U.K. It has been difficult... the longest run in the branch which gets the most mail, plenty of posties calling in sick, strong winds and torrential rain and mega-mega-mega amounts of mail.

But now I have only one more day to go and it all seems worth it :) Funny how these things work really. Now I just need to get myself organised for my trip... trying to sort out what clothes to take and also sell my car tommorrow.

I also got me a fancy new camera as an early birthday present from mum. It is a Sony H-2, a camera from last year but had been discounted very heavily so was very worth it. I haven't used a camera for a long while and this one has many manual functions so I'll have to learn how to use all its features.

Funnily enough even though it is only 5 days until I leave it doesn't seem real yet. i guess because of the stress of exams and then straight into work 6 days a week I haven't had too much time to think about it. It is quite exciting though... I really hope my interview goes well, I want this job so much! Anyhow not much I can do now until the 16th - just going to enjoy my last few days here and London. Trying not to think about the 37 hour flight :(

Why the idea of "growing up" is nonsense

From the Vagabondish blog:

I read BNT’s recent post The Hardest Part Of A Journey Is Coming Home by Brendan Moran and found myself quietly, emphatically nodding along. Especially to bits like this:

Maybe I’m naive, but I was hoping for a “eureka!” moment on the trip where all of the sudden my life would make sense. I would find my calling and hopefully some peace.

Maybe I’d be on a boat somewhere watching the sunrise, or laying in a hut listening to frogs chirp outside: something cinematic.

While nothing quite like that ever happened, after a year away, I think I’ve become a different person. I’m more sure of what I want and less angry. I take better care of myself and I feel more in control.

… and this:

While we were gone I tried to stay unplugged and happily ignorant about pop culture and other non-weighty matters, and now that I’m back, I realize I should have done that a long time ago.

My interest level for “shallow things that do not matter” remains below zero.

Then, right at the end, Brendan pulled the rug out from under me:

The hardest part about travel isn’t coming back, it’s staying back. Sure, we can always take smaller trips that last a few days or weeks, but I can’t shake the idea of another long odyssey.

Responsibility keeps wanting to get in the way. Bills, a wife, and no money are waking me from my dream of riding a motorcycle across Asia.

I just don’t want to grow up yet.

Huh? The phrase “grow up” has always made my teeth itch.

What exactly does it mean? What’s the predefined, socially accepted, neatly-wrapped-up-in-a-cardboard-sandwich-box definition? Is it having a mortgage? A BMW? 2.3 kids? The perfect dog and a white picket fence? Sitting behind a desk for forty years in a perfectly starched, collared shirt and tie to feed your 401K in the hopes that maybe - just maybe - you’ll have enough saved to travel the world when you’re 65?

My girlfriend, her family, and more of my friends than I care to count seem to think “growing up” and “being responsible” are somehow synonymous. And it seems they’re not alone as Brendan’s wife would agree:

I just don’t want to grow up yet. A point of view lost on my wife who wants a family, a house, and no motorcycles. One can still dream, right?

To what and whom are we ultimately responsible? My only responsibility is to ensure that I and - to the extent that I have any influence - my family and friends are happy and healthy. Nothing more.

If one is happy with the aforementioned “grown-up” or “responsible” life with a BMW and a desk job, so be it. But if my personal happiness is found in a vague ’round the world itinerary and a one-way ticket to [fill-in-the-blank]-istan, what right does anyone else have deeming me irresponsible?

Aside from my parents, I haven’t told anyone of my RTW travel plans. But I know enough of my coworkers, extended family and girlfriend’s family to foresee the inevitable eye-rolling and know that their responses will be a collective mix of disbelief and tsk-tsk “You’re throwing everything away” condemnation.

The disbelief will of course only last until the moment they’re waving goodbye to me from a terminal at Logan Airport.

The condemnation on the other hand runs much deeper. And it all circles back to their limited ideal of what “growing up” is and the notion that it’s somehow irresponsible to step outside “the norm” to find happiness. I can’t see how anyone can be so narrow-minded as to think that there is some singular, objective goal of happiness towards which everyone must strive.

Why can’t they just accept another person’s choices, however different from their own those choices may be? Why must people be so judgmental of others?

I’ll never live vicariously through my own dreams or attempt to live up to someone else’s ideal of happiness. I, for one, reject the notion of “growing up” and I’m forever hanging up that phrase on the hat rack of hollow, meaningless lexicon.

As for responsibility, what could be more responsible than casting aside every thing and every place you’ve ever known for the opportunity to travel the world and see and do more than you ever dreamed possible - all in the pursuit of happiness? At the end of the day, that’s the only responsibility we have to ourselves and our families.

Well that's that then.

So after sitting my Politics exam on Saturday afternoon I now have completed all my assessments for my Bachelor of Arts. That is ... if I pass everything. It's bizarre but my last exam was by far and away the worst exam I have ever sat, and it is only a bloody first year paper. I studied what I thought would be enough but for one of the three sections I had no question offered that I had prepared an answer for. This kind of unsettled me a bit for the rest of the exam but I am hoping I did enough to pass, I only need a C- in this paper anyway and I went into the exam needing only 13 marks out of the 50 on offer in order to pass. Well I guess it will be a couple of weeks until the results are released and then I will know for sure.

I celebrated my last exam by going over to a friends place for a few drinks. I managed to drink a considerable quantity of his very expensive whisky which I think left him quite unimpressed but then you don't finish the last exam of your degree every day do you? No real highlights from the evening I just had a good time except for Team New Zealand losing to Alinghi in the first race of the America's Cup final. Hopefully we will equalise tonight.

So now I have two weeks of full time work to look forward to until I get to fly away to England, the weather has been pretty rotten so I am most probably going to get a damn good soaking in the next couple of days.... I just hope I don't catch anything before I go away.

Anyway, I'm just marking time now... it seems so close but still far away if that makes any sense...probably not. Come on July 11th, I can't hardly wait.

Two hours to go....

Only two more hours in my undergraduate career! I had my Anthropology exam today and I think it went OK. Lots and lots of people left the exam room early and I left about 20 minutes before time. I hope I did enough to get a decent mark. It's kind of hard to tell seeing as how the lecturer hasn't handed back our last assignment. So that leaves me with only one more exam, International Relations, to do on Saturday afternoon and if I pass everything then I will graduate with a Bachelor of Arts in History and Anthropology! Nice one!

On another exciting note, I passed my Class 2 practical assessment yesterday so now I am legally allowed to drive trucks weighing less than 18 tonne upon Her Majesty's New Zealand Roads. The instructor/assessor said that I was very safe but I was a bit untidy in my gear changing, I guess that is because of having only two lessons before being assessed. I think I will definitely need more than two lessons when it comes time to do my Class 4...Three more months from now and I can start learning to drive Class 4 trucks. Of course that would be contingent upon me getting the job in the UK. Actually I will probably do my Class 4 anyway even if I don't get the job but perhaps not try to do so quickly.

Alright so I'm off for a bit of a kip... these exams can be tiring things.... no need to panic study for the last one.... maybe open a book or two on Saturday morning.....

Big ups to the Commish

Well I have to give out a "bloody well done old chap" to the British High Commission in Wellington for handling the renewing of my Brit passport in record time. I wasn't expecting too much and having heard of the huge delays that some US citizens were having getting passports I assumed that my new passport may not even make it to me by the time I left for England next months. Instead, barely 2 weeks after I sent off the application my brand spanking new passport arrived, complete with new biometric thingy-ma-bobs to prove that I'm not a terrorist.

3 days until my next exam - I really should start studying for this one as it may be tricky. Also I received a mark for my last third year history paper and I'm thinking that I will get a B+ as a final grade which is acceptable. 8 days until exams are all over and about 25 until I fly away!! Can't wait.

One down - two to go.

Had my first exam yesterday, now only 2 left until I graduate. It was a History exam but only for a poxy first year paper so I probably didn't study enough. In fact I know I didn't only relaly started that morning but I lucked out on the questions that I got, almost exactly what I studied for. I only had to write two essay in two hours, my first essay was;

"The humanising of war! You might as well talk of the humanising of hell!" (Sir John Fisher, The Hague, 1899). Do you agree that the attempts to restrain and limit wars and warfare have failed in the period 1815 - today? Explain your answer, citing evidence from at least THREE different periods of conflict and/or conflict resolution. No problems with that one - wrote about 6-7 pages and some of it may even have been relevant. Next question;

The Second World War is the world's only example of truly 'total war'. Do you agree? Discuss, reffering to at least TWO other twentieth-century conflicts aside from the Second World War.
Again not too hard - I tlaked about WWI, WWII and the War on Terror.

I only needed 8 marks from the 50 on offer in the exam to pass so I am hoping that I did ok.

Next exam is next Tuesday and is a third year Anthropology paper on Contemporary Oceania, might need ot do a little bit more study for this one.

On a side note - I bought some travel trousers today - chino(ish) style and quite comfy. And my payment has been received for my flights and my tickets are being generated. Exciting stuff!!

On the road to being on the road.

Today I passed the theory test for the Class 2 Heavy Vehicle Licence. Yay for me I got 100%! It took a two day course in order to complete all the unit standards that I need and learn what I needed for the test.

Now I have my first practical truck lessons booked for next week, Wednesday and Thursday which is very exciting and a little bit scary! I'm well on the way now! It's definitely been a most successful and joyous week... now all I need to do is pass all my exams.

Interview!!!

So I heard on Monday night just past that Dragoman want me to come over for an interview! Excellent. I have been frantically trying to arrange travel to the UK (in what is high season) and work out when Dragoman can see me. It is looking like I will fly over around 12 July and have my interview around 17 July. Then, if they like me I will go straight on to the two week interview that will finally determine whether I will get the job. So joy! Joy! Joy! Just waiting to hear back to confirm my interview time as the lady dealing with it is ill and then I will confirm my flight. Magic. Hard to concentrate on my final exams with this going on!

Not too impressed

I finally told mum today what I am planning to do regarding applying for the job at Dragoman. I don't think she was very happy about it but didn't say a heck of alot. I suppose there is very little that she can do apart from withdraw her offer of a free flight to the UK after I graduate. I will be slightly dissapointed if she and dad do not support me in this as it is my dream. It will be interesting to see what she thinks after the idea has sunk in after a week or so... stay tuned...

Last week I completed a course for my first aid certification. It is something I have wanted to do, not only because it is a requirement of the Dragoman job, but since I have been riding motorbikes I thought it would be a good idea to be first aid certified. The course was not too bad, most of the people attending had been sent rher eby there work and there was fair proportion of loud mouth know-it-alls on the course (me included :)). I received my certificate in the mail today so I am happy that is doen and one more think ticked off the list.

Also I have been going crazy selling stuf fon Trademe to raise more money. After two weeks I have made just over $2000, selling guitars and guitar amps as well as a heap of DVD's, CD's and books. I still have quite a bit to sell and hope to make another $2000 before i'm done. Basically I have already earned enough to complete my truck drivers course so I am very happy about that.

Finally, today was my last lecture in my undergraduate career. Didn't really feel much, just want to get the damn BA over and done with. I have one more major assignment to do and then 3 exams and that could be the end of my university career. I think that if I am not successful with the Dragoman thing I will probably return to university in 2008 and do my History honours. Just have to see how things work out.

Anyway, I am still waiting to hear back from Dragoman after I sent my application last week. I figure that it should be arriving in the UK from today onwards then I just have to wait and see what they say. I got a nice e-mail from the lady there I rang and spoke to regarding truck driver licences so I'm hoping that they will action things quickly and let me know whether I should be heading to the UK for an interview soon. Also, Debbie from Dragoman said they could arrange for me to have my intital interview and the two week interview scheduled at about the same time so I do not have to fly back to the UK in between. Sounds good.... I still can't wait... but I guess I have to try and concentrate on uni and motivate myself for my final exams.

Things get more confusing and a major step

I spent a fair amount today surfing the internet trying to figure out exactly what is required for the truck licences required for the overland driver job. The UK's system seems so wildly different to NZ's system that it may be better to try and do the licences there. The only problem is figuring out exactly which licences I need to take. And the cost!! Oh the cost!!! It looks upon initial inspection that it may cost around 3000 pounds which is about $10000 which seems to be a hell of a lot more than I've got. I guess I can cross that bridge if I come to it... they must be desperate for drivers if this is how much it costs!!

On a more positive note, I sent off my application form today after spending ages making sure it was as good as I can get it.... about the only thing I think that I am weak on is that I haven't done any travel over the last 5 years. Apart from that it is good. I think I will at least go to an interview in the UK if I am offered one and the two week interview if I can schedule it for the same trip and if they want me. Then I guess I will clarify exactly what licences are required, how much it costs and if they offer me a job figure out if I can afford to do it then. Phew!! This is going to be a bloody lot harder than I ever thought it would be.

Now I sent of my application I can't wait to hear back... I figure they will get it in a week or 10 days and I hope they are so impressed with me that they call me straight away to beg me to fly to England for an interview! I wish!! Fingers crossed... it's out of my control now.

What cost my dream?

Well I'm still breathing pretty heavily after signing myself up for an $800 course to sit the first stage of my truck driver license. That's a crap load of money for a poor student. I suppose that even if I don't succeed in obtaining my dream an ability to drive trucks is still relatively useful.

Best keep this expenditure to myself for a while. I don't think the family would quite understand why I'm doing this.

Think I might have a nice cold beer now.

Another small step and a concern debunked

Just a small wee step towards my dream today. I visited my doctor and he completed the medical certificate that I will need to obtain my heavy truck licenses. I also spoke to him about my plans and whether he had any concerns with the possibility that I could spend up to 9-12 months of the year in the third world. I asked because of the likelihood that I will develop the same PKD (Polycystic Kidney Disease) as my father and I need to monitor certain things. My doctor expressed no concerns what so ever with my plans as long as I continued to monitor blood pressure, protein absorption in urine and creatinine levels at least once a year. He also said it was an excellent idea to follow my dream now rather than waiting until much later in life when I may be unable to travel if I develop PKD and need dialysis in 20-30 years time.

A good day... I feel a lot happier now. I think I will book the first stage of my truck license this week after U have written an annoying essay for my politics class on war crimes.

My Whole Life Has Been on Hold Until Now

Another inspirational comment by a likeminded person on the Travelpod network - this one sums up my feelings exactly regarding how people see travelling as "Putting your life on hold";

"Putting life on hold"...

It depends on your perspective really. By life do you mean your job, car, mortgage, day to day routine you are used to? Surely life should be more than that. When you find yourself travelling and experiencing things you only dreamed about back home; that's when you realise that your life has been on hold until now.

It is so very comforting to know others out there feel the same way, however I think we are very well spread out. Travel forums on the Internet seem to be the best way to find people who think like this. I certainly haven't met many in everyday life and I know most people that surround me on a daily basis (especially friends and family) would think the complete opposite to this person. I think that's sad really but to each their own I guess.

I'm not so different..

It's nice to see that there are plenty of other people that think the same way as me.

This was posted by Piecar on the BootsnAll Forums;

There are people who...

Don't want a condominium.Don't care about the new IKEA catalogue. Don't want a fancy car. Don't need stability. Don't want to have familiar things around them. Can't stand monotony. Hate the question "How Are You?" Hate the idea of seeing the same thing every day. Know that they are not meant to stay in one place. Do not desire a secure job. Never toe the company line. Realize that there is more world out there than they can ever see. Want to see every bit of that unattainable world. Chafe under any bit of harness that their lifestyle puts upon them. Knows that they can be more. Knows that they can be more TODAY!!! Feels squashed by the people around them who say that there is no other way. Know that there is another way, but can't seem to find it. Can see the other way, but can't seem to get there. Strive to get to another world, but cannot let go of the old one. Say what they mean. Like to listen to a confusing story. Never back down. Know there is ALWAYS ANOTHER ROAD. Think money is a means and not the end. Hate the idea of uninformed affluence. Can decide that they need a big change. Can accept that they were wrong. Can be right and STILL be wrong. Can realize that they are going the WRONG way. Throw everything to the wind, not afraid of how things will shake out. Have had things shake out bad, and STILL think that this is the right thing to do. Have taken a retarded risk. Have embraced a retarded risk without backpedaling. Welcomed a thrown punch as a Rite Of Passage. Entered into a situation, smelling a con, but trying to work it. Can go the RIGHT way, and then decide to go another way. Stood up, when every fibre of your being said "Sit Down". Said "NO!! when they wanted you to say "Yes." Looked down a rough looking street and saw experience and not a knife in your kidneys. Love their backpack. passed up on the fucking museum. Were not wishy washy to the tout. took a guy up on a possibly shifty proposition. Had a backup plan if things went south. Hung their ass out there, and got ready to fight. spent too much money on a local kid, and never got the thing they wanted because of it. Knew they got worked.....and took every bit of it in stride. Never thought that settling down was the right thing to do. Decided that they were a traveller, and that was all there was to it. Shouted "I am A Traveller" to their friends. and then shouldered their pack and took off.

Every Great Journey Begins with a Single Small Step

Well today I did the first thing towards achieving my dream. I booked my First Aid Course which is one of the requirements to becoming an overland driver. It feels good to actually do something substantial, rather than just thinking and talking about it. Pretty exciting eh? I also feel slightly nervous.... like I just started on something huge and I have no idea how it will turn out.

Next big step will be to book the first stage of my Heavy Truck license... now that's a REALLY big step, cause it will cost me around $800! Wow..... my only real concern about not being able to achieve my dream is health worries. I am sure I will be fine but I do have a nagging doubt that the blood pressure medication I am on may be seen as an issue by any potential employer. My blood pressure can be high but generally the only reason I have to manage my blood pressure is that it will help delay the onset of the PKD that my father has, hopefully to around 20-30 years from now. Maybe more. We will see. I guess all I can do is my best and not worry about the things that are beyond my immediate control.

First steps.... cool... i'm thinking this will be one hell of a journey.

Brian

I work only one day a week due to my being a full-time student. This Saturday just gone when I got to work I was told some very sad news. A co-worker of mine, Brian, had passed away the previous week. Brian had worked the previous Saturday, complained of a headache on Sunday and gone to his doctor, things escalated quickly and after a scan he was told he had a brain tumor and they needed to operate immediately. Brian underwent brain surgery on Sunday night however he lapsed into a coma following the surgery. Brian's family decided to take him off life support three days later and he passed away peacefully.

I didn't know Brian very well but he was a vital man in his early forties who had an active lifestyle and was well respected by everyone tha the worked alongside. I'm not sure if he had kids but I had met his wife at work functions. Brian's death really has made me think about how fragile life really is. At any moment your own life, or the life of those close to you can be taken away with little or no warning. Brian's passing really emphasises to me how very important it is to follow your dreams with a passion and not put things for a future date as there is a chance you may not be around. It is very sad to hear about the death of people before their time. Brian your passing has affected me strongly, my condolences to your friends and family.

RIP Brian.

I must be scared...

... to live my life the way that I want. I still haven't reached my personal nirvana if not giving a shit about what people think about me, and perhaps, just telling them that the way that they live their lives is not what I choose for my own.

Revisiting this I am maybe being a little bit unfair on myself, I'm not in a position right now to do exactly what I want. But I think, after I graduate in July, that if I continue on not following my heart then I can more accurately call myself scared.

Looking back I've always seemed to exist on the fringes of acceptability of society. I never have been or even want to be an outlaw but have rejected the 'norms' that society dictates makes up a successful life.

I have only had one 'proper' job but I left that to go travel around Africa. I am a student at age 33 and I live at home with my parents. I have no girlfriend (or "partner" as "grown-ups" say) and no prospect of having one. I don't want to own my own home and don't feel a need to save for retirement and 'settle down'.

I think when people look at me they see a failure, or at best someone not quite as good as them who wants but can't get what they have. I don't consider myself a failure, I am certainly unfulfilled and am not doing presently what I wish I could but I definitely have started the journey. The first crossroads is in July when I finish University... this will indicate to me what I am made of and whether I can really be true to myself.

Why is having a mortgage, a proper career and a life partner a measure of success in society today? Why are people who reject this looked down upon? Is it because people are scared by those that reject the trappings of society that they value so highly?

My goal is to be happy, and to do this I must be true to myself and not subjugate my desires for what "others" think that I should be doing. Even when these "others" are those that I love and respect. It is not easy to attempt to live a life that is less travelled. It is kind of exciting and scary at the same time because I really don' know if I will succeed. I can try though...

Where the Hell is Matt?

Another inspiration video... funny too :)

Would You?

An inspirational collage that gives me goosebumps about travelling and makes me wonder why the bloody hell am I here?

Click Here

You Fat Bastard!

I eat far too much! Tonight I had a huge plate of Chicken Biriyani with added veges, a huge baked apple for desert, 6 prunes and about 5 mini samoosas. Later on I have pretty much decided I will destroy an entire packet of squashed fly biscuits. I think I need to start moderating the size and quality of my food intake before I start becoming a tad chubby.

"Settle down! Save for Retirement!"

Damn am I sick to death of hearing this from my parents. I am only 33 years old, why do I need to do this? I refuse to live in fear for what may or may not happen to me in 30 years time.

The last thing I really want to do at the moment is 'settle down', I am just beginning to understand what it is that I want to do and it is pretty much the opposite of settling down. I guess I just don't have the same motivations as many other people my age (and my parents), the acquisition of 'stuff' is just not of prime importance to me, I don't particularly want to own my own home and don't have a desire to work in an office job earning $100k a year saving 10% towards my retirement.

I guess my father's illness has emphasised these thoughts in my head. He has PKD (Polycystic Kidney Disease) and is on peritoneal dialysis, after working hard all his life he know has low energy and has to be hooked up to a dialysis machine every night. It is a genetic condition and the chances are very high that I will get it. I already have many cysts on my kidneys and it's just a matter of seeing how quickly or slowly things develop. So I think it is important to carpe diem as much as possible while I still have my health because who knows what state I may be in in 10-30 years time.

The people that I do know that are settled down with good jobs, homes and partners really don't seem any more happy than I am. I think it is all relative and all things considered I am pretty happy with where I am at right now. I just have concerns over where I will be heading over the next 2-5 years and some serious thought is in order. Hence, why I started this blog, to help me work thinks out.

I think i'm only just scratching the surface of this topic, it requires more organised thought (this is more of a reactionary rant) and a critical approach before I can work out exactly how I feel about this 'settle down' thing that haunts me.

This above all, to thine own self be true

It has been quite a while that I have considered having a blog. I have had a livejournal for quite some time but never get around to updating it. Perhaps it is because people that I know read it and maybe I just need somewhere to record my thoughts and work things out for myself rather than trying to write for a perceived audience.

Last night I was trolling through the boards on the Boots n' all forums and came across a post from a few years ago about a girl saving a puppy from being beaten to death by children in Mali. All I wanted was to see a picture of the puppy so I clicked on the link for her blog. What I read there moved me to a great extent. Kinga was fulfilling a lifelong dream, travelling around the world for five years before she succumbed to cerebral malaria in Ghana in 2006. Recently I have been giving a huge amount of thought to following my dreams and not trying to please other people in the choices that I make. Kinga's blog really confirmed for me that I have to follow my dream, or at least give it a damn good try.

To this end, I will be investigating how to become an Overland Truck Driver, I have sent off an e-mail to Dragoman to see how much of the recruitment process I can complete in New Zealand before I have to fly to the U.K. If I am successful in following this dream I will have to spend a huge amount of money whilst getting next to none in return if I get the job. That is simply not important to me, such a job will be a fulfillment of many desires I have had; I don't fit in to the "mainstream" of society that values success in terms of a dollar value, I have a huge passion for travel, for people, new cultures and Africa and can see this job making me very happy.

Probably enough now for an initial post, i'm thinking this blog will be a disjointed affair with infrequent posts on issues that are in my heart, mind and soul at the time.

If any one does accidently find what i've written I would appreciate you leaving a comment with your thoughts.