Perhaps I should point out...

...that I have been successful in achieving my dream job as an overland truck driver. I go back to the U.K. in October to start with my three month training. I'm not really sure the purpose of this blog yet... I have created a travel blog on a couple of otehr sites to record my travels and adventures and i'm not totally sure how this one fits in. The previous update is a cut and paste of the opening post on those blogs. Perhaps I will keep this one going as a more personal blog as well as a back-up of my other blogs. Whether or not I can be bothered updating more than one blog will be seen.

I have a heap of things to do now... travel doctor tommorrow to talk about vaccinations and I also start the theory component of my advanced motorcycle course.... my diary is very full I just hope I can get it all organised before I go.

I guess I will see....

One more day left at work...

It's been a struggle for the last two weeks... getting up early and going to a job that I really do not want to do. The prime motivation for working the last two weeks wasto have a bit of additional spending money for the U.K. It has been difficult... the longest run in the branch which gets the most mail, plenty of posties calling in sick, strong winds and torrential rain and mega-mega-mega amounts of mail.

But now I have only one more day to go and it all seems worth it :) Funny how these things work really. Now I just need to get myself organised for my trip... trying to sort out what clothes to take and also sell my car tommorrow.

I also got me a fancy new camera as an early birthday present from mum. It is a Sony H-2, a camera from last year but had been discounted very heavily so was very worth it. I haven't used a camera for a long while and this one has many manual functions so I'll have to learn how to use all its features.

Funnily enough even though it is only 5 days until I leave it doesn't seem real yet. i guess because of the stress of exams and then straight into work 6 days a week I haven't had too much time to think about it. It is quite exciting though... I really hope my interview goes well, I want this job so much! Anyhow not much I can do now until the 16th - just going to enjoy my last few days here and London. Trying not to think about the 37 hour flight :(

Well that's that then.

So after sitting my Politics exam on Saturday afternoon I now have completed all my assessments for my Bachelor of Arts. That is ... if I pass everything. It's bizarre but my last exam was by far and away the worst exam I have ever sat, and it is only a bloody first year paper. I studied what I thought would be enough but for one of the three sections I had no question offered that I had prepared an answer for. This kind of unsettled me a bit for the rest of the exam but I am hoping I did enough to pass, I only need a C- in this paper anyway and I went into the exam needing only 13 marks out of the 50 on offer in order to pass. Well I guess it will be a couple of weeks until the results are released and then I will know for sure.

I celebrated my last exam by going over to a friends place for a few drinks. I managed to drink a considerable quantity of his very expensive whisky which I think left him quite unimpressed but then you don't finish the last exam of your degree every day do you? No real highlights from the evening I just had a good time except for Team New Zealand losing to Alinghi in the first race of the America's Cup final. Hopefully we will equalise tonight.

So now I have two weeks of full time work to look forward to until I get to fly away to England, the weather has been pretty rotten so I am most probably going to get a damn good soaking in the next couple of days.... I just hope I don't catch anything before I go away.

Anyway, I'm just marking time now... it seems so close but still far away if that makes any sense...probably not. Come on July 11th, I can't hardly wait.

One down - two to go.

Had my first exam yesterday, now only 2 left until I graduate. It was a History exam but only for a poxy first year paper so I probably didn't study enough. In fact I know I didn't only relaly started that morning but I lucked out on the questions that I got, almost exactly what I studied for. I only had to write two essay in two hours, my first essay was;

"The humanising of war! You might as well talk of the humanising of hell!" (Sir John Fisher, The Hague, 1899). Do you agree that the attempts to restrain and limit wars and warfare have failed in the period 1815 - today? Explain your answer, citing evidence from at least THREE different periods of conflict and/or conflict resolution. No problems with that one - wrote about 6-7 pages and some of it may even have been relevant. Next question;

The Second World War is the world's only example of truly 'total war'. Do you agree? Discuss, reffering to at least TWO other twentieth-century conflicts aside from the Second World War.
Again not too hard - I tlaked about WWI, WWII and the War on Terror.

I only needed 8 marks from the 50 on offer in the exam to pass so I am hoping that I did ok.

Next exam is next Tuesday and is a third year Anthropology paper on Contemporary Oceania, might need ot do a little bit more study for this one.

On a side note - I bought some travel trousers today - chino(ish) style and quite comfy. And my payment has been received for my flights and my tickets are being generated. Exciting stuff!!

Not too impressed

I finally told mum today what I am planning to do regarding applying for the job at Dragoman. I don't think she was very happy about it but didn't say a heck of alot. I suppose there is very little that she can do apart from withdraw her offer of a free flight to the UK after I graduate. I will be slightly dissapointed if she and dad do not support me in this as it is my dream. It will be interesting to see what she thinks after the idea has sunk in after a week or so... stay tuned...

Last week I completed a course for my first aid certification. It is something I have wanted to do, not only because it is a requirement of the Dragoman job, but since I have been riding motorbikes I thought it would be a good idea to be first aid certified. The course was not too bad, most of the people attending had been sent rher eby there work and there was fair proportion of loud mouth know-it-alls on the course (me included :)). I received my certificate in the mail today so I am happy that is doen and one more think ticked off the list.

Also I have been going crazy selling stuf fon Trademe to raise more money. After two weeks I have made just over $2000, selling guitars and guitar amps as well as a heap of DVD's, CD's and books. I still have quite a bit to sell and hope to make another $2000 before i'm done. Basically I have already earned enough to complete my truck drivers course so I am very happy about that.

Finally, today was my last lecture in my undergraduate career. Didn't really feel much, just want to get the damn BA over and done with. I have one more major assignment to do and then 3 exams and that could be the end of my university career. I think that if I am not successful with the Dragoman thing I will probably return to university in 2008 and do my History honours. Just have to see how things work out.

Anyway, I am still waiting to hear back from Dragoman after I sent my application last week. I figure that it should be arriving in the UK from today onwards then I just have to wait and see what they say. I got a nice e-mail from the lady there I rang and spoke to regarding truck driver licences so I'm hoping that they will action things quickly and let me know whether I should be heading to the UK for an interview soon. Also, Debbie from Dragoman said they could arrange for me to have my intital interview and the two week interview scheduled at about the same time so I do not have to fly back to the UK in between. Sounds good.... I still can't wait... but I guess I have to try and concentrate on uni and motivate myself for my final exams.

Brian

I work only one day a week due to my being a full-time student. This Saturday just gone when I got to work I was told some very sad news. A co-worker of mine, Brian, had passed away the previous week. Brian had worked the previous Saturday, complained of a headache on Sunday and gone to his doctor, things escalated quickly and after a scan he was told he had a brain tumor and they needed to operate immediately. Brian underwent brain surgery on Sunday night however he lapsed into a coma following the surgery. Brian's family decided to take him off life support three days later and he passed away peacefully.

I didn't know Brian very well but he was a vital man in his early forties who had an active lifestyle and was well respected by everyone tha the worked alongside. I'm not sure if he had kids but I had met his wife at work functions. Brian's death really has made me think about how fragile life really is. At any moment your own life, or the life of those close to you can be taken away with little or no warning. Brian's passing really emphasises to me how very important it is to follow your dreams with a passion and not put things for a future date as there is a chance you may not be around. It is very sad to hear about the death of people before their time. Brian your passing has affected me strongly, my condolences to your friends and family.

RIP Brian.

I must be scared...

... to live my life the way that I want. I still haven't reached my personal nirvana if not giving a shit about what people think about me, and perhaps, just telling them that the way that they live their lives is not what I choose for my own.

Revisiting this I am maybe being a little bit unfair on myself, I'm not in a position right now to do exactly what I want. But I think, after I graduate in July, that if I continue on not following my heart then I can more accurately call myself scared.

Looking back I've always seemed to exist on the fringes of acceptability of society. I never have been or even want to be an outlaw but have rejected the 'norms' that society dictates makes up a successful life.

I have only had one 'proper' job but I left that to go travel around Africa. I am a student at age 33 and I live at home with my parents. I have no girlfriend (or "partner" as "grown-ups" say) and no prospect of having one. I don't want to own my own home and don't feel a need to save for retirement and 'settle down'.

I think when people look at me they see a failure, or at best someone not quite as good as them who wants but can't get what they have. I don't consider myself a failure, I am certainly unfulfilled and am not doing presently what I wish I could but I definitely have started the journey. The first crossroads is in July when I finish University... this will indicate to me what I am made of and whether I can really be true to myself.

Why is having a mortgage, a proper career and a life partner a measure of success in society today? Why are people who reject this looked down upon? Is it because people are scared by those that reject the trappings of society that they value so highly?

My goal is to be happy, and to do this I must be true to myself and not subjugate my desires for what "others" think that I should be doing. Even when these "others" are those that I love and respect. It is not easy to attempt to live a life that is less travelled. It is kind of exciting and scary at the same time because I really don' know if I will succeed. I can try though...

You Fat Bastard!

I eat far too much! Tonight I had a huge plate of Chicken Biriyani with added veges, a huge baked apple for desert, 6 prunes and about 5 mini samoosas. Later on I have pretty much decided I will destroy an entire packet of squashed fly biscuits. I think I need to start moderating the size and quality of my food intake before I start becoming a tad chubby.

"Settle down! Save for Retirement!"

Damn am I sick to death of hearing this from my parents. I am only 33 years old, why do I need to do this? I refuse to live in fear for what may or may not happen to me in 30 years time.

The last thing I really want to do at the moment is 'settle down', I am just beginning to understand what it is that I want to do and it is pretty much the opposite of settling down. I guess I just don't have the same motivations as many other people my age (and my parents), the acquisition of 'stuff' is just not of prime importance to me, I don't particularly want to own my own home and don't have a desire to work in an office job earning $100k a year saving 10% towards my retirement.

I guess my father's illness has emphasised these thoughts in my head. He has PKD (Polycystic Kidney Disease) and is on peritoneal dialysis, after working hard all his life he know has low energy and has to be hooked up to a dialysis machine every night. It is a genetic condition and the chances are very high that I will get it. I already have many cysts on my kidneys and it's just a matter of seeing how quickly or slowly things develop. So I think it is important to carpe diem as much as possible while I still have my health because who knows what state I may be in in 10-30 years time.

The people that I do know that are settled down with good jobs, homes and partners really don't seem any more happy than I am. I think it is all relative and all things considered I am pretty happy with where I am at right now. I just have concerns over where I will be heading over the next 2-5 years and some serious thought is in order. Hence, why I started this blog, to help me work thinks out.

I think i'm only just scratching the surface of this topic, it requires more organised thought (this is more of a reactionary rant) and a critical approach before I can work out exactly how I feel about this 'settle down' thing that haunts me.

This above all, to thine own self be true

It has been quite a while that I have considered having a blog. I have had a livejournal for quite some time but never get around to updating it. Perhaps it is because people that I know read it and maybe I just need somewhere to record my thoughts and work things out for myself rather than trying to write for a perceived audience.

Last night I was trolling through the boards on the Boots n' all forums and came across a post from a few years ago about a girl saving a puppy from being beaten to death by children in Mali. All I wanted was to see a picture of the puppy so I clicked on the link for her blog. What I read there moved me to a great extent. Kinga was fulfilling a lifelong dream, travelling around the world for five years before she succumbed to cerebral malaria in Ghana in 2006. Recently I have been giving a huge amount of thought to following my dreams and not trying to please other people in the choices that I make. Kinga's blog really confirmed for me that I have to follow my dream, or at least give it a damn good try.

To this end, I will be investigating how to become an Overland Truck Driver, I have sent off an e-mail to Dragoman to see how much of the recruitment process I can complete in New Zealand before I have to fly to the U.K. If I am successful in following this dream I will have to spend a huge amount of money whilst getting next to none in return if I get the job. That is simply not important to me, such a job will be a fulfillment of many desires I have had; I don't fit in to the "mainstream" of society that values success in terms of a dollar value, I have a huge passion for travel, for people, new cultures and Africa and can see this job making me very happy.

Probably enough now for an initial post, i'm thinking this blog will be a disjointed affair with infrequent posts on issues that are in my heart, mind and soul at the time.

If any one does accidently find what i've written I would appreciate you leaving a comment with your thoughts.