... to live my life the way that I want. I still haven't reached my personal nirvana if not giving a shit about what people think about me, and perhaps, just telling them that the way that they live their lives is not what I choose for my own.
Revisiting this I am maybe being a little bit unfair on myself, I'm not in a position right now to do exactly what I want. But I think, after I graduate in July, that if I continue on not following my heart then I can more accurately call myself scared.
Looking back I've always seemed to exist on the fringes of acceptability of society. I never have been or even want to be an outlaw but have rejected the 'norms' that society dictates makes up a successful life.
I have only had one 'proper' job but I left that to go travel around Africa. I am a student at age 33 and I live at home with my parents. I have no girlfriend (or "partner" as "grown-ups" say) and no prospect of having one. I don't want to own my own home and don't feel a need to save for retirement and 'settle down'.
I think when people look at me they see a failure, or at best someone not quite as good as them who wants but can't get what they have. I don't consider myself a failure, I am certainly unfulfilled and am not doing presently what I wish I could but I definitely have started the journey. The first crossroads is in July when I finish University... this will indicate to me what I am made of and whether I can really be true to myself.
Why is having a mortgage, a proper career and a life partner a measure of success in society today? Why are people who reject this looked down upon? Is it because people are scared by those that reject the trappings of society that they value so highly?
My goal is to be happy, and to do this I must be true to myself and not subjugate my desires for what "others" think that I should be doing. Even when these "others" are those that I love and respect. It is not easy to attempt to live a life that is less travelled. It is kind of exciting and scary at the same time because I really don' know if I will succeed. I can try though...
Revisiting this I am maybe being a little bit unfair on myself, I'm not in a position right now to do exactly what I want. But I think, after I graduate in July, that if I continue on not following my heart then I can more accurately call myself scared.
Looking back I've always seemed to exist on the fringes of acceptability of society. I never have been or even want to be an outlaw but have rejected the 'norms' that society dictates makes up a successful life.
I have only had one 'proper' job but I left that to go travel around Africa. I am a student at age 33 and I live at home with my parents. I have no girlfriend (or "partner" as "grown-ups" say) and no prospect of having one. I don't want to own my own home and don't feel a need to save for retirement and 'settle down'.
I think when people look at me they see a failure, or at best someone not quite as good as them who wants but can't get what they have. I don't consider myself a failure, I am certainly unfulfilled and am not doing presently what I wish I could but I definitely have started the journey. The first crossroads is in July when I finish University... this will indicate to me what I am made of and whether I can really be true to myself.
Why is having a mortgage, a proper career and a life partner a measure of success in society today? Why are people who reject this looked down upon? Is it because people are scared by those that reject the trappings of society that they value so highly?
My goal is to be happy, and to do this I must be true to myself and not subjugate my desires for what "others" think that I should be doing. Even when these "others" are those that I love and respect. It is not easy to attempt to live a life that is less travelled. It is kind of exciting and scary at the same time because I really don' know if I will succeed. I can try though...
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